Take the compliment

Most people are terrible at taking a compliment. It makes them squirm. Say something kind and watch them deflect it, wave it off, change the subject, hand it straight to someone else.

I was one of them. Still catch myself at it. I was raised to be humble, don't boast, don't get ahead of yourself, and somewhere in there I picked up that the polite thing to do with a compliment is bat it back. So when someone paid me one at work, I didn't take it in. I didn't believe it. I brushed it off before it had a chance to land, then wondered why I never felt like I was doing a good job.

Here's the thing though. In leadership, humility gets a free pass. It's held up as one of the good ones. Humble leader, down to earth, doesn't big himself up, people like that. And they do, up to a point. But nobody stops to ask what all that deflecting actually does to the person on the other side of it.

Because when someone tells you that you did something well and you say "oh it was nothing, it was all the team," you've just told them their judgement is wrong. You've overruled them. They saw something, they took the time to say it, and you handed it back and told them to think again. That's not humble. That's you managing your own discomfort and calling it modesty.

There are three versions of this I see all the time.

The first plays everything down. Can't take a compliment to save their life, gives the credit away every single time, never lets a good word settle. Looks humble. But watch the room over a few months. People stop bothering. If every kind word gets swatted away, why keep offering them. And the team takes the cue, nobody feels able to own their own wins, because the person leading them never owns theirs.

The second takes all of it. Every result, every win, somehow traces back to them. The team did the work and the leader did the talking. Everyone can see it, and it quietly rots the whole thing, because people will run through walls for recognition and they'll down tools the moment they realise it only ever flows one way.

The third is the rare one. They get the balance. They can look you in the eye and say thank you. They own their part without shrinking from it and without puffing it up. Then they pass credit where it's actually due, not as a reflex to get out of the spotlight, but because they mean it. "Thanks, I'm proud of that one, and the team carried it." That last bit lands completely differently when it comes after you've accepted the compliment, not instead of it.

My own reminder came from padel, of all places. Someone called a good shot, and I felt the old reflex fire, the shrug, the "nah, got lucky." And I caught it. Just take the compliment. Say thank you. Let it land. Such a small thing, and it changes the entire exchange.

Because how you take a compliment is a tell. It shows people whether you're comfortable being seen, and whether they're allowed to be seen too. The room learns from you. If the one leading it can't take a good word without squirming, don't be surprised when nobody around them can either.

So take the compliment. Say thank you. Let it land.